January 2016

I’ve brought Mr. & Mrs. Smith’s intentions (specifically their request for miraculous healing) before Our Lord, through the Ven. Servant of God, Fr. Emil Kapuan, whose intercession I have sought in prayer. I understand the Smiths are Evangelicals, and I hope they are not scandalized by my decision: I am Catholic, and do not know how to do otherwise. In any case, I understand that I am only asking a righteous man – whose prayer Holy Writ tells us availeth much – to pray for them and for me and for all of us. I also prayed for them in a general way to Our Lady – though I promise I was very careful not to ask her to do anything except pray for us all in turn. In fact, the whole structure of the prayer I offered, it now strikes me, is a rehearsal of the testimony regarding Mary that we find in Scripture, followed by a prayer request: “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.” Amen.

Kicking Cancer with the Smiths

DSC_0105 Christmas, 2015

I have been staring at a blank Word document for twenty minutes trying to find the words to say. I can’t bear where we’re at and the situation we are in. I can’t comprehend how we’ve gotten to this place. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that there is nothing left to do for Andrew except tell him how much I love him, hold his hand and be with him for very second we have left together. The doctors tell me death is imminent and that Andrew is going to die from this disease. There are no treatments, no clinical trials…there is nothing left to do. I struggle to grasp what they’ve told me and I spend my nights crying and moaning in pain as I think about losing the one I hold most dear and close to my heart- my husband. He is afraid of…

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Suicide, Tattoo’s and Baptism

Suicide, Tattoo’s and Baptism

Some things are uncanny. Others, no self-respecting author would pitch to an editor. Some things are true. Clare Short teaches us all something important here. Also, look up your baptismal date.

Listening in the Desert

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The sad news of Robin Williams death this week brought back memories for me of 6th January 1998 – the day i tried to take my own life. It was the worst and the best day of my life.

As an 18 year old almost sick to death (literally) with depression i had been prescribed Paxil Seroxat which was later banned in 2003 for under 18’s because it was found to increase risk of suicide.

I was begging God for mercy. My parents had had Mass said for me even though i had not been to mass for the last 5 years. I had no idea what was going on but can only describe it as a body-spirit split in which i was experiencing the most utter desolation and despair to the point in which it actually physically felt like my soul was being burned alive. This went on non-stop for

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Epiphany: all flesh shall see the Glory of the Lord

When Our Lord comes again in judgment – and He is coming, and with Him a great and terrible wrath – His coming will break the world: it will shatter the universe and all that is in it, into pebbles.

It will not be His judgment, however, which blasts creation into dust; it will be His glory; as quiet and meek as was His first coming into the world, in a hovel, in a manger, in a hamlet, so great will be the glory of His second coming, that the world shall break at it.

Creation shall not have strength to withstand the coming into it of the Creator a second time, and all shall be undone.

Bellegambe's Last Judgment

Jean Bellegambe’s Last Judgment, 1523

This is no hyperbole, but mere fact, a plain and even prosaic statement of what the cognition of faith tells us must be.

Every valley shall be lifted up,
    and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
    and the rough places a plain.
And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
    and all flesh shall see it together,
    for the mouth of the Lord has spoken. – Isaiah 40:4-5

Das_Jüngste_Gericht_(Memling)

Hans Memling’s Las Judgment, c. 1470

Dies irae, dies illa,
solvet saeculum in favilla,
teste David cum Sibylla.

Some of us – my hope and the hope of the Church for each and every one of us is that we be counted among these – shall find that we have been carrying this glory inside of us (unbeknownst to the world, and even unbeknownst to us), and so shall be caught up in it, suddenly ourselves for the very first time, even as all that is and all that ever has been shudders and is wasted in an instant.

Luca_signorelli,_cappella_di_san_brizio,_resurrezione_dei_corpi_06

Luca Signorelli’s Resurrection of the Flesh, c. 1500

Some of us are very blessed, indeed, for we have been fed on this Uncreated Glory in secret: body, blood, soul, divinity, hidden under the species of bread and wine, though real and substantial in their presence. He shall make all things new. We wait in joyful hope.